Okay so this weekend I participated in a funky one off weekend game called Ghosts in Public: The Echoing Green, this was a game run for Mish’s Birthday up at Eskmeals, so it was cold and wintery and also cosy inside with the fires, which was handy because since we were all playing ghosts we couldn’t really leave the house that much :) Continue reading
So I’ve done another round trip circling the Pennines this weekend, and stopped off along the way to have a drink with a friend and a general nice in person catch up, which was awesome.
On the way there I had a hot water bottle resting behind my shoulder for a lot of the trip, and on the way back I thought I’d save weight in my backpack by not packing it, I kind of wish I had, the seats were not overly comfy and ouch. Still things aren’t as bad as last week so hopefully a good nights sleep will help reset it.
Now back to work on the ‘morrow, although when I got in I got to watch the tail end of the Star Wars trilogy which is awesome as I’ve not seen it for years.
And tomorrow I also get to try and catch up on the news and work out my reactions to the horror I’ve seen floating up from the other side of the pond.
One of the most weird things to come out of bits of my life is the coming and going of time and interest in reading. It used to be I could devour fiction pretty quick, but some time during my undergrad and postgrad that sort of fell by the wayside and I got out of practice. Then all the dysphoria kicked in and basically I obsessively inhaled a whole bunch of trans theory and fiction while I was disassembling my notions of myself and rebuilding them and exploring my inner landscapes and going “Oh hey! That’s what all this stuff is!” which was pretty cool, but not really the same.
Now I’m starting to slowly come through the other side of that, or at least one phase of that, and I’m getting back into slowly reading fiction again. And I do mean slowly, my reading pace has dropped off dramatically and amount of errors picked up. The really interesting thing however is that I can actually read and enjoy poetry now :)
Various people (aaaaaaand by that I mostly mean Mish) have tried over the years to implant a love of poetry in me, but for ages I just didn’t get it. But I spent some very enjoyable time this evening on a train with a book of poetry (Andrea Waddell’s “Sounds of the Soul”) and just sitting and enjoying reading it, sometimes poking into the structure, sometimes just letting it wash over me.
Very strange experiences this life gives.
So yeah, after my last post I should probably write at least a short update to discuss the fun I had last week going down for my latest GIC visit. This basically consisted of a long train ride, followed by more train rides across London. The appointment was scheduled later than my previous ones so even leaving a little later I still got there with plenty of time to kill. Sadly I was a bit worn down through the whole thing, I think a combination of not sleeping well due to nerves and also the start of a cold left me feeling just that teensy bit wiped out.
So yeah, as some of you who may be following me elsewhere probably know I had another of those wonderful GIC appointments scheduled last month, and again they managed to reschedule it … thus making it a 100% reschedule rate so far. This time they did it by calling and leaving a message which I picked up on the train at about 5 hours notice from the appointment, which at least gave me the ability to hop off at Preston and loop back to Lancs for an afternoon of work.
This did however leave me in a stompy foul mood and just filled with apocalyptic levels of rage, so I listened to some really tasty metal and growled and was generally annoyed and burnt it all off by the afternoon mostly. I think it’s just that each time I have to build myself up to these things, and when they get canned at the last minute its just all that readyness and prep just blow out the window, with all my plans just cancelled and a whole day wasted. Also it feels a bit unfair in that they can cancel on 3-5 hours notice (and have done a few times) and that’s fine, but if I cancel at less than 48 hours notice I’m deemed to have “not shown up” for the appointment and risk getting booted from the service, where I then have to wait through another few years waiting list to get back on another.
So yeah – watch this space, lets see if they can manage to keep this second appointment of if I’ll be poking them to seek a second refund in train fares.
Okay, this was initially entitled something far more dramatic, but really this is more a change than an end to things, and I’m doing my best to reframe things like that in my head as I think it’ll be good for me.
Okay so as most of you should now know (it’s been posted to facebook and hence is true) my beautiful boyfriend will sadly be no longer living in Lancaster as of the end of the month really, instead moving far away to the lands of Durham to study for his epic PhD.
And I’m glad for him on that front, but while I’m kind of excited by him doing research again (he’s really awesome when he’s academicing) and the meeting new people in a new town thing sounds kind of exciting its also a whole scary experience where he’ll no longer be right here where I can hug him. And it’s more than that, there’s going to be a big hole in my current schedule which normally includes stuff relating to him, so the half the week or so we tend to hang out I’ll be doing other things or chatting over skype with him, the Sunday evenings where the polycule gathers to watch crime shows and eat together and chit chat … well chances are he’ll be far away or on trains heading home for those evenings and I’d gotten kind of used to being able to just wander casually between my place and his if I left something behind in one of them, and now it’s looking like I’ll need to pack carefully and take long train journeys or drives.
But still – we both knew it was going to happen sooner or later, our relationship has always been built on a certain amount of risk and uncertainty, we got together pretty much as we were both starting to move forward in transition stuff and we’ve never been sure if we’d end up living so close for so long, where our lives would take us or even if we’d be attractive to the other persons tastes 6 months from then. But from that we’ve actually grown to be living in each others pockets more or less for the past three or so years so adjusting to getting used to being at the other end of a phone rather than the other end of a 5m walk will take some doing.
I’ve done distance relationships before when Mish was off travelling and working overseas and it kind of sucks, but in other ways its kind of fun sometimes, knowing that someone is there and you’ll see them again, but in the meantime you’ve got so much free time for things, but I find having a definite end date can help that, gives you something to look forward to and schedule projects around that are in the free time I guess, and the thing is he’s off for a PhD and then who knows, so its not really on a definite timescale.
Anyway, general update – been trying to get my head around it since it became increasingly the more common option in the past couple of months and especially now its become a certain thing, so if I’m a bit weird here’s just one more reason to add to the pile :)
So last weekend I was down in London supporting Mish on her recent epic quest to run the London Marathon (which by the way she totally totally did in awesome time and raised a boat load of cash for Asthma UK :) Awesome), and one thing this trip enabled me to do was more travelling about London on the tube dropping off bags on the Saturday while Mish registered, and then later for socialising and finally chasing her along the route by use of the tube to cheer her on at multiple points.
One thing I find more interesting is that every time I go down to London I get a bit more comfy travelling about the core of it at least, learning little bits of tube and connections, and learning more about what each area is like, and how some of them link up. I mostly know it as a series of bubbles around tube stops, which makes the whole city seem kind of strange and multiple.
This time it gave me more of a sense of being huge, vast and varied, and also I got the impression that these days I could probably live there, at least for a while – and additionally it got me speculating about various parallel universes where other-me’s ended up there at various stages of life – just sort of imagining being there and getting involved in all kinds of random shit, I suspect I’d probably have ended up as a really pretentious shit bag.
But yeah, fascinating place to visit, and they really seem to deal well with big events – the crowds were all friendly, they interacted with random bands, played football in the streets and generally had a good time of things :) Highly recommended as a trip, would do again. Also got to walk across Greenwich Park, although sadly I didn’t get to meet The Starwife in my haste, maybe next time :)