Okay so recently I read an excellent strip of the ever fun Kimchi Cuddles webcomic entitled #452 Kitchen Table Poly which gives rise to terms like kitchen table poly (“where everyone in the polycule knows each other and are all people who’d feel comfortable just sitting around the kitchen table in their PJs having coffee”) and parallel poly (“having partners alongside each other but not necessarily ever interacting with each other’s partners”).
It’s something I try and recognise in myself as both just a way I function and also something to be wary of. Due to the way my poly is structured I get interacted with before some of my partners take on new partners, or escalate thing with people (sort of polyfi, I like it that way) and get basically a kind of veto. Mostly I think I sort of lean towards kitchen table poly, its easier for my brain to say yes when it recognises the other person as either someone I find attractive to my own tastes, or a “Yeah I could totally have a cup of tea and a chat with that person if I woke up and they were in my house”. However that gives rise to issues when a partner who I kinda have a veto for comes to talk to me about someone who doesn’t trip this bit of my brain – I’ve found I need to be really careful and try and quiz my brain, because just because I don’t fancy a person, or I don’t want to sit around and idly socialise with that person doesn’t necessarily mean that I should say no to my partner doing partnery things with them, if they’re safe, don’t trip my gut feeling of badness and drama and most importantly my partner is interested those are more important considerations. I’ve been tripped up by this before and I’m trying to improve my self questioning to catch myself doing it.